Friday, October 31, 2008

Why am I single?

Dear Frank,

I am a thirty five year old single girl who has not had a boyfriend in over seven years and I don't know why? I would consider myself a very good looking girl in a highly paid job with good career prospects and a lot better looking than a lot of my friends but no matter how hard I try I cannot find a man who wants to settle down with me.

Anytime I meet a guy and we go on a date I find myself opening my heart to him and telling him that I want to settle down and start a family and suggest that on the second date that he comes over to my home and maybe bring over some of his clothes and stays a few days to see if he likes living with me. When he doesn't call me the next day I try and call him on his phone which he does not answer for some strange reason.

There was one guy I dated last week who arranged to meet me the following night for a drink. After spending an hour in the bar waiting for him and he didn't show I went around to his house to see if he was there and his mother answered the door and said he wasn't in but I knew he was there as his car was in the driveway. If he wasn't interested in me why didn't he say so or are all men like this and are there no decent guys who want the same in life as me?

There are certain unsolvable mysteries in life - The Marie Celeste, the curse of Tutankhamen, socks going missing in the wash and why Rick O Shea hasn't got the morning slot on 2FM. Now we can add Clodagh's letter to Frank above. Frank is "Dublin's Agony Uncle" for freesheet The Dublin Informer, a newspaper delivered to our house recently. I particularly liked this letter as she sounds like such a catch.

Frank's reply to her?
Dear Clodagh,

Sounds to me like you are a bit of a "bunny boiler" and what guy in his right mind would consider spending anytime with a girl who starts talking about settling down on their first date let alone turning up at his home because he failed to show up for a second date.

In answer to the other questions in your letter, yes I am married and no I don't want to meet you for a drink and no you can't have my home address so you can send me a thank you card.

I'm sure if you start off by actually listening to what a guy has to say when you first date him and find out if you have anything in common to meet for a second date, it would be a start. Guys are human too and like to be talked to instead of being talked at. Remember that beauty is only skin deep. Remember if you get into a serious relationship with a guy that he will spend more time talking to you than looking at you so learn to communicate and don't depend on your looks to get a guy.
I don't know. Seems a little harsh. I mean, Clodagh sounds lovely, doesn't she? It's a tough world out there for single people, especially in a big city like Dublin, and seriously, how else could you expect to meet someone? The bar scene is too loud and expensive, there are far too many weirdos online - you never know what sort of eejit you'd end up with - and we can't all depend on a batman mask to help us pull, can we now?

You'll find more of Frank's excellent advice here, here and in the latest issue (pdf). It's a pity the Informer website isn't a bit easier to navigate. That's advice worth paying for, that is!

What's your take on it? Clodagh, you know, if you're out there, get in touch... Not for me you understand, but, er, my friend...


  1. i'm sorry but i have to laugh at this.. i truly dont know if you're posting with tongue firmly planted in cheek or not, i assume you are? whats sadly funny is there are people out there like this. i feel sorry for them, especially when they still dont 'get it' after it being explained to them.

  2. That could have been me! Damn you Ben you northsider.

  3. @Donna - tongue firmly in cheek though I couldn't make out if it was satire or a real letter, because his other advice always seems to be well grounded.

    You're right though, there does seem to be real people like this out there. I've met a couple of them.

    @Anthony - want me to get you Clodagh's phone number?

  4. Oh dear. There is no greater turn-off than desperation. I wish her luck, but she'd want to change that game-plan pretty sharpish!

    I love the idea of agony-aunt blogs!

  5. Hi clodagh here just thought I'd drop you a line.
    I agree that Frank was very harsh I mean a girl has to plan for the future. The shelbourne didn't have any problem allowing me to book my wedding on Friday March 2012. Four years to find a husband it should be no prob.