Wednesday, January 07, 2009

An awful pain in the backside

Nope it's not a plug for Maxi's new award and nope, it's not a complaint about an Irish broadcaster/phone company/other blogger/state of the world :-P. It is however a post about me. I'm very very sore.

It's not something I've ever spent too much time thinking about, my bum. While I'm careful to protect my lower back and avoid strain as much as the next person, my posterior has just been there to sit on or get smacked occasionally followed by "Jaysis Doyle, you're so bony!" Its role in my general movement has never been something I've contemplated, all those hours studying anatomy in school wasted on me.

I won't be sitting on it today. Not for a while.

I spent an energy-less day in bed yesterday without the ability to do anything. Days like that are frustrating, knowing how much email was piling up, knowing of computer stuff I had to do, Christmas decorations to take down and things I wanted to do. My sleeping patterns are all over the place these days too which isn't helping. Come 11pm though and I'm feeling better, I get up, dress the bed, tidy the room a bit and bring the two half full mugs of coffee downstairs.

Big mistake.

Coming down the all wooden, no carpet stairs, mug in each hand, my legs gave way and I sat down. Heavily. On my sacrum.

In other words: I fell on my arse.

The crash was loud. The coffee flew everywhere. Clothes dripping, walls dripping, stairs sodden I immediately shouted in pain, stood up and ran for the bathroom. Don't ask me why, I think with the fright of it it was the first place that came to mind.

"Are you all right, Darragh?" was dad's first shout, him having gone to bed only a few minutes before. "What's wrong with you, son?" my mother wanted to know. They headed for the stairs, his bedroom upstairs, her's down. "What the hell happened?" they both wanted to know, no doubt looking at the devastation.

I couldn't talk. I was in agony. "I need painkillers", I said, "lots of painkillers." She brought them down to me and headed back to the kitchen. I took four.

I walked very stiffly back to where she was. I'm not sure if it was the pain of the fall or the embarrassment or knowing that my father was cleaning my mess on the stairs in his boxers that was worse. "What happened?" she asked again, "Are you okay?"

"I fell on the stairs," I say, winning first prize in the most obvious statement of 2009 award. "Did you hurt your back?" she wanted to know, "Do you want me to rub it?"

For a brief millisecond, for the time it took for my brain to process what my ears were hearing, the little boy in me, the one who had run to mammy with grazed knees, sore elbows, bruised forehead and ego, the one who believed she could kiss it better and that the Disney plasters really were magic almost said yes. Reality kicked in.

"It's, erm, not my back." She looked confused. "It's my bum. I fell on my bum."

I'm not sure which of us started laughing first. Loud, boisterous laughs, reactions to the fright of mere minutes before. Dad walked in "So what's wrong, then? Why are you walking like that?"

"He... he fell. On his arse." she managed to say amid the snorts. Though concerned, what else could she do? Dad had either less humour or was more tired. I was walking, talking and didn't seem to need a doctor. In his books I was fine and he headed back to bed. She fussed around me for the next few minutes, prescribing deep heat, a hot water bottle and sweet tea. She's great like that.

I tried to walk the pain out of it. I couldn't. I couldn't bend, I couldn't twist and there was no way I'd get back up stairs. In the end I just threw myself on the couch. Remember Del Boy falling? That was me.

I've passed the last few hours in considerable discomfort. Nothing's broken, I didn't damage my coccyx which I know from personal experience is a lot worse but I can barely move that part of me. Horizontal to vertical is almost impossible.

I fell going up stairs as well, just because I would, but once I got to me leaba, sleep soon came. I'm typing here this morning from my bed, every movement a reminder, every strain triggering pain. it's a bruised bottom and a bruised ego and even more bed time for me. Bummer.

All I can think of is this song:


  1. PMSL oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. I laughed. A lot. And you know exactly why.
    Next time hold the bloody bannister, that's what it's there for!

    Your poor bum.

  2. I should have! I should stop drinking mugs of coffee too. A cup of coffee I have more chance of finishing...

  3. Thanks Steph! :) I'll be grand.

  4. It sounds bloody sore!

    (That anatomical graphic has a nice bum though!)


  5. Ken, you'd be amazed at what search terms I went through - and what came up - to find appropriate graphics. That was, of course, until I remembered the word 'pelvis'... :P

  6. Ohhhh Lordy, you poor chuck. Haha.

    I fell out of a tree onto my arse when I was ten. I'd had a fight with the parents and in childish rebellion I ran out the house and down to the trees by the river and proceeded to climb (wtf?!). I slipped and fell right back down on my bum. My mum could see me from the window and once she knew I was alright, she nearly died laughing.

    Seriously though, to this day, I still get pains at the top of my bum if I sit too long! Hope yours feels better soon.

  7. Annie, poor you! Jeez, glad I was only walking down stairs - a tree fall sounds so much worse!

    But yeah, it's hard not to laugh when someone says they fell on their bum. It's why I love watching ice skaters :-P

  8. Oh no! I hope you have a speedy recovery.

    I'm now saving my pennies for new stairs in our house; I want padded ones that turn back on themselves so I won't have so far to go when I fall. (I do it too; fortunately I'm NOT so bony, 'nuff said.)

    Take good care of yourself meanwhile!

  9. Susan, can you get padded stairs? Really? I know what I'm asking Santa for! ;)

    Thanks for the good wishes :)

  10. That's the best blog post I've read all year.It should be followed by a re enactment on YouTube ;-)

    Get Well soon! :-)

  11. Poor you!

    I bet you were coming down texting with phone in one hand, coffee mugs in other hand and worst of all dancing round that corner in your sock soles!
    Keep doing that and you will need a padded cell and not padded stairs.

    Major big hugs.

  12. Ah critter!
    Hope your bum is better soon.
    I slipped on the stairs and fell back one day too, but thankfully I managed to land sort of sideways on my well padded thighs.

  13. ouch... been there. i fell off a hamock in brazil when i was a kid. still hurts sometimes... hope you feel better soon!

  14. Hope you feel better soon dude.

  15. dont sit or lay for too long or all the muscles that are taking up the slack will seize and you'll be right done in. hot baths. hot tub with a scantily clad babe would be better :)

  16. Bummer!! Sounds painful! At least you can see the funny side of it.

    Thanks for the Del Boy clip. No matter how many times I see it, I still laugh, that guy is really funny.

  17. Ow! And I apologize for laughing. I didn't mean too...your description was just too graphic. :)

    Ah the bathroom! The one place in life where it is acceptable to go in, shut the door and tell everyone to leave you alone. I too suggest the hot bath route.

    Sadly, as Susan mentioned the um, downfall of chocolate is a well padded arse. ;)

  18. Ouch...that sounds ridiculously painful!!

    Falling is fun minute, you're standing...and the're not! *fun*

  19. Ow!!! and will you mind your liver with the four painkillers and all!!

    Motherhen slips away! :)

  20. Done me back in a few times and it sure ain't fun - rest up and get well sir!

  21. Shivers, what are you trying to do to your poor self, Darragh? :)Thinking fo you, rest well.

  22. When I was young the aul lad used to say, whenever I had a pain in my stomach, "sure I know what'll get rid of it. I'll punch you in the face! You'll forget about your stomach in no time."

    "Stop making me laugh, Da, it hurts!!!"

    My point is that I bet you didn't feel that horrible lethargy, that has you laid up in the first place, anymore..

    I'm a mug-is-half-full kinda fella myself, too!

    Look after yourself Darragh...

  23. "It's the Del Boy falling through the bar bit! HA HA HA! That's the funniest thing I've ever seen on television ever! Del Boy tries to lean on the bar, lays his arm down, but the bar is gone. HA HA HA ...and he falls over HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. THE FUNNIEST THING ON TELEVISION EVER!

    ...I wish I was dead!"

    I'm slightly scared that I can quote a bit from a Stewart Lee bootleg perfectly.

  24. Ow, sore! Hope it's improved by now!